There is a first for everything.First September, first step, first word, first smile, first scratch and so on...But then comes the second.And the third.And that thing it's not so special anymore.
I am always afraid of the first.Be it first speech in public or first flight, first love or broken heart.It's a first.And it will forever remain in my memory.As a first something...
Though, some things are first and last on the same time.Like the sun eclipse in '98 or the "You are my best friend" letter.It's much easier to remember this firsts, because there was no second.Yet, some of them remained as firsts because they were not meant to happen.Neither then, neither any other time.Never again.
I believe this is a definition of life.A circle of firsts.The ones that will keep repeating, the ones that won't.All togheter, they represent our life.The one and only life maybe...
We can't control all things in life.These firsts can not be controlled, or there wouldn't be life, right?And a new first is coming closer and closer to me.Friday is not that far away,somwhere a day thrown in time.It's my first 16th birthday.My one and only 16th birthday.A first, and a last.
And it's a first just going through this mixture of feelings.You can tell me "i've been there", but it doesn't help.I must find my own way out.It feels awful, yet amazing.
I am aware that time is passing, i can't stop it.It's time, not a train.I know that i must be thankful for everything i have, appreciate each day and live the moment.But, then, from a black corner of my heart comes that thought.Why can't i have what she has?Why am i feeling lonely?Why don't i have a boyfriend?Why can't i respect deadlines?Why do i have to grow up and make decisions?Why do i have to question myself?Why?...
And then, for a short moment, there's light.There's hope.You're healthy, beautiful and young.Never be like this again.You have your family and friends, teachers and strangers.You have a home, you can eat chocolate and drink coffee.You can do all of this and even more.You are capable.You are you.And that says it all.
When i was a child, i was thought to count.
1
2
3...
It was fun.It was a great feeling.To count everything.
Now, i learned that everything counts.Every year, every day, every moment, every breath...
Nobody taught me that.I had to learn it...
I learned that every first could be a last.
22 de comentarii:
it was very very nice what you wrote! :)
this post is beautiful. you are such a lovely writer ♥
i've started following you, i adore your blog :)
beautiful, sweet darling. simply beautiful.
i send you happy thoughts & know that you will one day look back on these years & you will smile & wonder "how did i get through all that" & "those were some of the best times of my life."
trust me. my twenty year old self just did. looking back on when i turned sixteen.
it will be marvelous, darling.
xo-
Wonderfully written! And thanks for the award!
You can write your thoughts so well. Thank you for coming by my place :)
When you get older you want to be young again, funny isn't it.
xoxo
I am so in love with your blog and it's insight.
That's the necklace I'm wearing:
http://www.huntinglodge.no/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/ac_cocolovebullets2.jpg.
I love your writing. You're so talented.
lovely post.
I love that feeling that everyday is new and unusual in it's own way. Each day we will change and every moment will pass and never occur again. happy birthday!
thanks for the blog award, we'll get to it soon (hopefully!)
-indigo
Counting your blessings is the best thing you can do. Being sixteen is hard, but as the years pass, you learn and grow, and become more comfortable with who you are. You are special!
Happy B-Day
This is really lovely! I especially love the last sentence! Wow...
Thanks for all the kind comments!
Eve
Well I'm glad to hear you're not taking your years for granted. You're quite bright for the old age of 16 years old :) I guess if you can get it now, the better.
cool!
what a lovely post, dear :) i can relate to a lot that you have said there. it's wonderful.
much love, i'm sending you <3
You are very mature for being 16, glad you have a good head on your shoulders! ;) This was a lovely post, thanks for your kind wishes about my stressful day! XO!
Wait, so that means you had a birthday huh? Happy happy birthday, what did you do to celebrate?
you know,
i think you are a beautiful person Ruxandra.
this is way random. but i read this again and because i feel emotional today.
i cried.
Hello! i just bumped into your blog...such wisdom!!! hope your year is filled with too many good things to count!!
this is a nice reminder.
That was really nice!!!
And lol I know people who work in shops can be just as bad as the customers, but I think if either the customer or the shop person is nice, then the other should also make an effort!
Lol, I guess it's just people that are the problem!!!
you are wise beyond your years. i am excited to read more from you and keep up with your pretty pictures and inspiring thoughts. hope you have a wonderful day.
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